How to forgive my father for not being one: 6 Steps towards overcoming abandonment

by Nahdin Sabla

Breaking the cycle of abuse and moving on

Unavailable guys

Always wanting unavailable guys does not mean that there is something wrong with you, that you exclusively like what you can not have or are just used to get what you want at any cost.

It might as well be something within you pulling you towards a belief you need to face, a lesson your soul needs to learn in order to progress in your personal and spiritual growth.

Engaging with unavailable guys it’s a self-reinforcement on the belief that comes directly from our absent parents.

It is our own way to show ourselves:

SEE !

He did not pick/choose/wanted to be with me,

because I am not worthy of a man’s love,

and same as my Dad, who choose *drugs/alcohol/party/other women/other children, etc. over me,

he is choosing her over me or just not choosing me for whatever reason.

Make no mistake, every-time an amazingly perfect for you but UNAVAILABLE guy/girl presents itself into your life, it is a new opportunity to heal this wound or a test to see if you have finally forgiven your father for not being one.

To see if you can acknowledge your WORTH for Who You Are, instead of for what your father decided for his life.

Understanding

I have been trying to get a deeper understanding of why he choose this kind of lifestyle, just to found out that he was just a rich kid with a little too much money and access to material things but no love from his parents.

My judgmental self thinks that this makes forgiveness so much harder, of course, things will be easier to understand if he had a terrible childhood and found refugee in this lifestyle.

But on the other hand, I know for a fact that growing up without your parents love is extremely hard.

Compassion

Everybody is doing the best they can with the resources they have.

..but to abandon your family? your child?

Well… yeah!

Most likely he abandoned himself long ago, so he does not know any better and just keeps feeding this self hate vicious cycle he lives in.

Because believe me, putting inside of your body a substance that is toxic and basically destroys you slowly, it is self-hate, also applies to alcohol, yeah social drinkers too, but this a subject for a special post.

Honor everybody’s state on the spiritual path

Some are ahead, others not so much, honor and respect this.

Allow others the dignity of their own process.

You have no idea how much your soul can forgive until you are confronted with super hard situations in life.

Abandonment hurts so much and in so many places, that by the time you are old enough to understand what happened, you might be a wall full of holes.

But do not worry, instead CHOOSE TO FORGIVE. (yes it is a choice)

How?

The 6 Steps

1. Remember it.

2. Feel it deeply.

3. Let it out (talk about it, out loud, even if it’s while looking at yourself in the mirror).

4. Change the way you tell yourself the story. Create a narrative from a compassion point of view. How things happen from an understanding of their life and experiences. A secondary character point of view.

5. Step out of the victim costume, take responsibility for your participation in the situation. Even if this means to acknowledge that you/your soul chose him as your father and also how your rejection and resentment could have affected his healing process.

6. Forgive & Free Yourself.

So instead of tormenting yourself with questions, your #babynanni is stuck on, like:

Why don’t you love me?

Why didn’t you choose me and my mom over drugs?

Why didn’t your life changed when I was born?

Why don’t you care about me?

Why didn’t you want to be my father?

Why did you leave me?

Why didn’t you protect me?

Why didn’t you teach me how a man is supposed to treat a woman?

Why didn’t you wanted to be my dad?

Why did you abandon me?

Why did you abandon yourself?

Why do you hate yourself?

What happened to you?

Why you were never there for me?

Why did you beat my mother?

Come from an understanding, compassionate, emphatic place, fill your being with forgiveness, envision his face and tell him:

Dear Dad,

I forgive you for not being my father.

I forgive you for leaving me.

I forgive you for robbing me of my innocence.

I forgive you for abandoning me.

I forgive you for not teaching me what to expect from men.

I forgive you for breaking my heart.

I forgive you for not protecting me.

I forgive you for not letting me be a daddy’s girl.

I forgive you for not letting me love you.

I forgive you for not giving me love.

I forgive you for playing daddy to other children that were not yours.

I forgive you for forgetting about me.

I forgive you for letting me think my whole life that I am not worthy enough for you to love me, be with me or stay.

And most importantly…

I FORGIVE MYSELF

FOR THE THINGS I HAVE DONE

IN THE SEARCH OF YOUR LOVE.

I am going to be honest with you, its hard work and no easy road, but liberating in a way that words cannot describe.

Give it time, do not underestimate the time it takes to recover your self-esteem, self-love, and self-worth.

Congratulations on reading until the end and demonstrating to yourself your interest in healing, this is the first and the most amazingly huge step you could have ever done.

I am so proud of you !

☽☉☾

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2 comments

Gisella Crawford April 26, 2020 - 08:52

Hola Nadhin! Que orgullo siento de leer todo esto. Es maravilloso tu proceso de healing. Estoy muy feliz que el Universo te haya bendecido y te veo que haz trabajado en ti y poner márgenes a lo tóxico de las personas/familia que te rodeaban. A mis 59 años yo he aprendido la palabra boundries. Todo tuvo su motivo y su razón. Que feliz me siento por ti.
Gisella

Reply
Nanni April 27, 2020 - 08:17

Hola Gisella! Muchas gracias por tu comentario tan hermoso. Yo siento que elegí a mis padres y a mi familia tóxica porque en mí ya existía la sabiduría y fortaleza de otras vida para liberarme y descubrirme como quien realmente soy. Poner limites sanos es muy duro, sobre todo cuando la familia no tiene conciencia de ellos mismos, de como generación en generación repiten el trauma, el dolor y sufrimiento. Por eso llegan almitas como nosotras para decir hasta aquí y cortar con el dolor, sanar el linaje familiar de nuestros ancestros y futuras generaciones. Establecer sanos limites es una práctica que dura toda la vida, a veces es fácil otras dolorosa, pero siempre es la forma más elevada de demostrar respeto y amor hacia nosotros mismos. Un abrazo grande!

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